The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Stand By Your Man (Even If He's a Deadbeat)

Last week, The Real Housewives of Orange County got together to play Bunco and Terry, Eddie, and Shady Slade crashed the party. This week we’re picking up right where we left off. Let’s document the drama with our THG +/- recap!

In walk the men. Terry and Eddie are rocking skintight zebra pants that show off any ASSets they may have at their ages. Slade’s rocking a mullet a la Billy Ray Cyrus. Gretchen says in the one-on-one that he looks like “such a douchebag.”

Ouch, Gretchen! Plus 5.

Gretchen fills Slade in on the drama that was brewing between her and Tamra’s friend Ricky. Slade responds “Let’s start sh*t.” Oh, Slade. Minus 10. This isn’t your party OR Gretchen’s and you’re doing no favors by bringing the drama.

Slade asks Ricky if he has a problem with Slade’s stand-up. Ricky replies he wasn’t even there. Vicki asks Slade when he became a comedian. Slade’s response? “When I decided to go do it.” Not an answer, Slade. Or at least not a good one. Minus 10.

Vicki calls Slade a piece of sh*t repeatedly and leaves saying she’s going to see her daughter, who actually matters. Gretchen makes a valid point to the rest of the people in the room that none of them knows what she and Slade have discussed post-Improv and Vicki comes back in to speak her mind to Slade.

First, she tells him she’s sorry she doesn’t fit the Orange County mold of what he thinks she should look like, but her mom and dad think she’s pretty, so that’s all that matters. (Sidenote: Her parents have got to be, what, in their 80s now? Can they even still see her?)

Slade says he never said she didn’t look the way HE thinks she should look and that he only commented on things other people had said. Vicki says it was mean and hurtful and she’s never talked about how he looked.

That comment lights a fire under Gretchen. She chimes in asking how what Slade’s done is any different than Vicki calling Slade a deadbeat dad for failure to pay his child support. Vicki tells her, basically, that she has no room to speak because she doesn’t have kids of her own.

Gretchen tells Vicki she’s smoking crack and calls her out for dating Brooks since Brooks also fits the definition of “dead beat dad.”

They continued to shriek like banshees and I’m pretty sure someone said something about babies and vaginas while Heather, Alexis, and Tamra just looked on in horror.

Plus 15 to Gretchen for defending her man and standing up to Vicki, even if Vicki says she can’t stand up for what she doesn’t know.

Tamra says she wouldn’t have invited Slade if she knew he’d make Vicki that upset. And then the camera goes back to Gretchen who has gone from drunk and fired up to crying in her skinny margarita because of Vicki’s constant belittling of Slade.

Tamra’s outside consoling Vicki and talking about how removed she is from the situation. Gretchen’s crying some more and talking about Vicki’s double standards and how it’s always okay for Vicki to talk about everyone else but it’s never okay for anyone to talk about Vicki. Minus 10 for the high-school drama.

I mean, like Vicki said, aren’t they adults?

Vicki finally leaves the party and says she’s done with Gretchen because her behavior has been inexcusable. Heather’s shocked and horrified by what’s going on and it’s a school night, after all.
Tamra tells Gretchen that Vicki’s close to a nervous breakdown, but Gretchen says that’s not really an excuse. I sense trouble brewing in Gretchen-Tamra reunion land over Vicki-gate.

Then Tamra says the magic phrase. “I think I need to eat some carbs.” Plus 10 Tamra. Carbs are good for you.

Finally, things seem to be settling down at Bunco night. There’s food and chatting and questions of plastic surgery recovery time with Terry which prompts Gretchen to offer the gossip morsel that Alexis is going in for surgery the following week. Tamra’s first question? “Oh, is she getting her boobs bigger??” Plus 5.

Gretchen says Alexis has bad sinuses and Tamra’s not buying it. Terry offers up a little free consultation to Heather, Gretchen and Tamra. Alexis overhears their entire exchange and says she’s having her nose job at the same time as her sinus surgery because she’ll be under.

And that she’ll “hock a loogie” if the ladies want her to. Minus 10 for gross. Terry says it makes total sense, but says he didn’t even know they were talking about her.

Alexis gets super defensive. SUPER defensive. But Tamra DID say Alexis has a big nose and should totally get her nose done. Minus 5 Tamra.

Alexis privately calls Gretchen out for not defending her. Gretchen says in a one-on-one that Alexis really needs to just move on from this. Minus 10 to Gretchen for not defending her friend and for starting the whole thing in the first place.

Out in the parking lot, Alexis continues to defend her necessary nose job and says that Gretchen should have defended her. Inside, Heather calls Alexis stupid and asks Terry if a brain lift is an actual procedure.

Terry says Heather should give her friends an IQ test and Heather says she’ll be sure not to use any big words. Minus 5 because I’m bored with this nose job news already.

Finally, FINALLY, Bunco night ends. Finally.

Briana’s in her kitchen cracking open a beer and Donn, Vicki’s sort-of ex-husband, stops in for a visit. Briana says she doesn’t really know where her place is in the middle of the divorce. Donn says he’s staying busy and living the bachelor life.

Briana lets us know Donn has finally moved out of Vicki’s house and she’s glad that the two of them are able to develop an adult friendship instead of a parent-child relationship. I’m getting a slightly Woody Allen-Soon-yi vibe which kind of creeps me out. Minus 10.

Briana tells Donn about her upcoming surgery and says it’s nice to have his support because he doesn’t freak out like her mom does.

Gretchen’s got a sore throat from all the screaming she did the night before and hates that she got so in the middle of everything instead of just letting Slade fight his own battle. But the fireworks continued even after they’d all gone home.

Gretchen says Vicki kept texting her after she got home last night saying that she wouldn’t tolerate people talking about her boyfriend not paying child support. That she wouldn’t tolerate a man who didn’t pay his child support.

Uhhh, Vicki? Hello?? Seriously? Minus 20.

Vicki and Tamra are having coffee in Vicki’s office. Tamra says she was just in the area and thought she’d stop by. Plus 5 for the coffee peace offering.

Tamra says she’s just stuck between two friends. Vicki, in the one-on-one, says she’s not a hypocrite for being with Brooks because Brooks is all caught up now and works a job while Slade doesn’t.

Tamra says in her one-on-one that Gretchen’s got a point - Vicki’s dating a guy who went to jail for not paying child support. Plus 10 Tamra.

Then Vicki says that she’s upset that no one stood up for her and told Gretchen to shut up. Tamra says it was all white noise and impossible to follow. Vicki says she hopes to get to a point where she and Gretchen can talk and she can apologize to Gretchen, but Gretchen also needs to apologize to her.

Don’t hold your breath, Vicki. Especially since Slade’s the one you really need to have the conversation with.

Alexis shows up for her necessary nose job and this time, Jim actually goes with her. How nice of him, right? Alexis says her doctor is the best in the area and is “really known for his breasts.” Plus 5 for making me laugh.

Alexis is a crying mess. If they don’t get her to sleep soon, this surgery’s going to be off the books because she can’t stop crying.

Vicki is with Briana preparing to take Briana to the hospital for her thyroidectomy. Vicki says she feels like her world is falling apart and says, again, that the prognosis for Briana isn’t good. That she might have cancer.

As they drive to the hospital, Vicki says “I feel like I’m driving into Heaven” and that she might throw up and that she doesn’t feel like she can get through this. Minus 20 to Vicki for being insane right now.

Briana, in a one-on-one, says “Nothing is ever about me, or about anyone else, when it comes to [her] mom. It always ends up being about [Vicki].”

Truer words have never been spoken, Briana. Except Gretchen’s said them before, too. During this episode even. Plus 10 for honesty.

EPISODE TOTAL: -50! SEASON TOTAL: -30!

Next week, Alexis and Briana go under the knife and Tamra gets a consult to have a little surgery of her own.

iPhone Window Attack: Russell Brand on a Tribute to Steve Jobs!

Russell Brand has Tweeted a hilarious confession to recent allegations that he ganked some paparazzi dude's iPhone and hucked it through a window.

The zany British comedian is accused of ripping an iPhone right out of the hands of a paparazzo in New Orleans and firing it toward a local law firm.

Police are investigating, but Russell Tweeted the following mea culpa:

Wonder if that would hold up in court. Genius, in any case ... but THG does not condone window assaults via iPhone every time you see one misused.

Unlike Chris Brown, who's also being investigated for stealing an iPhone, Brand has since offered to pay for the device, as well as the window he broke.

American Idol: Jermaine Jones Criminal History: Revealed, Ugly

As previously reported, Jermaine Jones will be cut from American Idol tonight - and now we have a much clearer idea why.
The 6'8" finalist is reportedly anything but a gentle giant, as TMZ has uncovered details from his March 5, 2011 arrest.

Jermaine Jones - "Knocks Me Off My Feet"

It stemmed from an incident at a Howard Johnson hotel in New Jersey, where Jones gave police a phony name and was charged with public nuisance and obstruction of justice, while also possessing outstanding warrants.
Then, on 11/27/11, Jones gave cops a different fake name when the car he was riding in got pulled over. In this case, he was booked for hindering apprehension and giving false information to avoid self-discovery, while - again - having outstanding warrants in his (real) name.
Moreover, sources say Jones has been "very aggressive" behind the American Idol scenes, once yelling at a staff members over his wardrobe selection.
Still, despite his past transgressions, it's conceivable Jermaine could have remained on the show if he had just been up front. Instead, he swore to producers that his record was clean.
Honesty, readers. It remains the best policy.

Kim Kardashian Tweets Topless Photo... Just Because

Kim Kardashian is currently engaged in a rift with Jon Hamm, responding to accusations that she's a "f-ckin idiot" by defending herself as a businesswoman.
And by posting a picture of herself topless, of course, as Kim did earlier this week. Why? Because she was restless, of course!
"Can't sleep tonight..." Kardashian wrote while sending followers the image below. Seriously, how could Hamm possibly think this woman is an idiot?!?

On the actual business side of things, Kim and her sisters released the latest addition to their Kardashian Kollection yesterday: a line of lingerie.

Follow the proceeding link to check out the official ad, which features Kim, Khloe and Kourtney actually donning more layers than the former is showing off above.

'The Bachelor' Recap: The Rose and Everything After

At a heated 'After the Final Rose,' Ben admits to a breakup

It's a "Bachelor" double feature this evening -- we have three solid hours ahead of us, so make some popcorn, find a comfy seat on the couch, and prepare to nap lightly through the first tedious 90 minutes of Zermatt, Switzerland, beauty shots (the tourism department clearly got their money's worth here) and faux-conflicted interviews from Ben about how tempted he is to make Lindzi his wife. Sigh. Zzzz. 

Anyone who's been to a supermarket checkout (or anywhere else tabloid magazines are sold) probably has a pretty good idea of whom Ben will be proposing to tonight: Courtney. It was always, always Courtney -- and not just dating back to her first cringe-worthy appearance in US Weekly, but to her first, cringe-worthy appearance on this show, when Ben found out there was a model in the mix. After that first cocktail party, Ben remembered the model, the other women, and the lady on the horse, which is how Lindzi made it to the end. 

Would that we could just skip to the foregone conclusion -- and to the relatively juicy "After the Final Rose" -- but first we have to make it through the rest of the journey. Because this is the finale, it means that Ben's family is showing up: sister Julia (who looks so much like Ben that he sort of starts looking like a girl himself) and mom Barbara, who seems like she'd rather be on a flight back to Napa. "My backup has arrived, and the questions I have will be answered will by someone I trust and love," Ben explains. Julia has a question to kick things off: "Was there a girl that was more dramatic, that the other girls didn't like?" You can basically see her reading the lines off a cue card the producers are holding up. Ben admits that there was, but he's focused on other problems: He wants to know if his family thinks Lindzi can ever "open up" and if Courtney's the raging terror the other women have suggested she is. (Not that Ben actually minds if Courtney is.)

Lindzi's up first, and Julia gives her a bit of advice: "I think he wants to dig a little bit deeper with you." Lindzi tries to refrain from bashing Courtney: "I'm more of a people person; she was very shut off in that situation. Why not try to make friends?" Why not, indeed. You can tell that Julia and Barbara are not particularly enthusiastic about Lindzi. Next comes Courtney. Julia's reaction to the news that she's a model is priceless: "She's a model? The idea of a model as a sister in law...oh God, Ben, come on." Why wasn't Julia at "After the Final Rose"? Of course, it's not for Courtney to go on the defensive when the offensive is so much more appealing: "I think some of the girls were a little judge-y of me," she tells Julia. "I'm big on first impressions, and I really tried with everybody. I kind of just gave up." Then Julia disappoints everyone by caving and giving Courtney her stamp of approval. "I found her to be a really kind person, and he looks like he has really fallen in love with her," Barbara adds. What could they possibly be thinking now? "As far as the complete package is concerned, I think Courtney is more of what you want," Julia says. Ben, apparently, has no one to blame but his sister for this. What was Julia feeling when she watched this tonight, besides a vague sense of nausea? 

We move on to the dates that don't matter because we all know what Ben's going to do. Ben greets Lindzi with more horses, because that's the only thing they really talk about, for a carriage ride through Zermatt. They're going skiing in the Alps, and on the way up the slope, the gondola stops, and Lindzi is prodded into once again proving her "vulnerability" to Ben. It really is like watching blood drip from a stone. Self protect, Lindzi! Self protect! But she doesn't. Instead, she's pouring her heart out and working as many ski-relationship metaphors into the mix as she can: "I have no idea what I'm getting myself into," she says. "But it's like relationships -- it's a risk worth taking." Really going to miss that, producers. "Can you see an 'us' in your future?" Lindzi asks Ben. Sure, eh, yeah, kind of, he says. "This love that I feel is bigger than any love I've felt before," she sums up. It's that bad. 

Next, we have Courtney's final date, which involves a "helichopter." Everything you need to know about Ben and Courtney, and why he chose her, is in this segment. It lasts as long as the "You look really pretty" he greets her with. "With Courtney, I'm completely and utterly myself," Ben continues. That "myself" is the kind of guy who baby-talks his girlfriend as they play in the snow: "Are those your widdle feet?" "They are!" Courtney fake-cries her way through another interview about having kids with Ben someday. "I'm terrified that Ben might do to me when Ashley did to him," she says. "My heart hurts just thinking about it." 

If only. After a (second) visit to Neil Lane, it's engagement day. And the first woman off the helichopter is...feathery Lindzi. "Good to see you," Ben says, after Chris Harrison deposits her. "You look great." Ben talks to everyone but Courtney like he's at a high school reunion, and to Courtney, he talks like he's in pre-school. It does not get any better for poor Lindzi. "I want you to know that I've fallen in love with you," Ben says. Just not as much as "someone else." Ben walks her out, and Lindzi, to her eternal shame, finishes her journey with: "If things don't work out, call me." Oh, poor Lindzi. What does she think about that now? 

Courtney's next. Ben loves her. He had "a moment of past, present, and future on the top of the ruins in Belize," whatever that means. And he wants "to tell [Courtney] that [she is] my forever." Well, you know: Forever in the sense of four to six weeks. Is there no true love anymore? They kiss, Courtney makes weird faces, and it's happily ever after. Or is it? 

That's why it's so great that "After the Final Rose" begins immediately after. It's like how romantic movies always end with a wedding -- because the morning after the honeymoon's over can be so alarming. Here are the facts: Ben says he did not cheat on Courtney, no matter what those photos in US suggested. But they did break up -- and sort of still are broken up. It's not quite as bad as Emily Maynard and Brad Womack, but it's sure on the way there. Chris Harrison's intro says it all: "What did Ben see in Courtney that nobody else did? What was it like realizing what Courtney was really like? Has Ben already had an affair? Are Ben and Courtney still together?" Answers: who knows, bad, "no," and ...ish. "On my father's grave I haven't cheated on Courtney," Ben says. But he doesn't say that he didn't mess around with anyone while they were broken up, does he? 

The audience is not into this at all. Chris is feeling the hate: "Usually when we do this, there's thunderous applause and everyone's on the same page," he says, after Courtney arrives to some boos. He interviews them both separately, then together, and everyone has to sit through a replay of their vows. Ben and Courtney both cry. Chris says he's been carrying the ring around, and asks Ben what he should do with it now. Ben puts it on Courtney's finger with same enthusiasm evinced by a man walking up to the guillotine. 

At long last, Courtney and Ben go off to their futures. Two separate futures, most likely. So Chris does what "The Bachelor" always does in difficult times: celebrate past successes. Ashley and J.P. come out -- and there's actually no way of doubting that they're a happy, regular couple, in which she sends annoying texts about wedding dresses and he gets to address the former dental student as "doctor." ("Does she make you call her doctor?" Chris asks. "I want to call her doctor," J.P. says.) They're getting married within a year, they say, and already have the baby names picked out. 

 True love and "The Bachelor"? Maybe it's not always an oxymoron.

Bruno Mars Covers Playboy April 2012

It's certainly a rare feat, but Bruno Mars has beat the odds by landing the cover of the April 2012 issue of Playboy magazine.

The 26-year-old "Lazy Song" singer has become just the tenth fella to adorn the men's magazine's front page as he's shown belting out a tune to Miss April Raquel Pomplun for the April Sex and Music issue - which is set to be released on Friday, March 16th.

Meanwhile, highlights from Bruno's interview are as follows:

On the musicians he looked up to growing up:

"Growing up in the showbiz world, I looked up to those guys: Frank Sinatra and of course Elvis Presley. My dad was into the 1950s doo-wop era. If you look at those groups, or at James Brown, Jackie Wilson and the Temptations in the 1960s, you’ll see you had to be sharp onstage.”

On the musician he’d most like to work with if he could:

"Jimi Hendrix. I think he’s the greatest guitar player in the world, and I would want to see him do his thing in person. He’s the reason I picked up a guitar in the first place."

On his musics:

"My album is called Doo-Wops & Hooligans, but it’s not a 1950s ‘Earth Angel’ sound like you hear in Grease-type movies. I could sing you a thousand and one doo-wop songs. I love the simplicity in that music. It’s not superpoetic, it’s just from the heart."

Bobbi Kristina Brown: Dating "Adopted Brother" Nick Gordon

Just one month after Whitney Houston's death, her daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown is looking to her family for comfort, but in a different way than you might expect.

The singing icon's only child and her adopted "big brudder", Nick Gordon, announced their relationship via Twitter last weekend (March 9) and there are a lot of mixed emotions flying on both of their social media pages from fans and followers.

In a report put out by E! News, a source close to Miss Brown explains that Gordon is a great person and friend and has always been supportive of the 19 year-old beauty.

The insider also dished that the pair first met when they were younger, where Gordon explained to Bobbi Kristina that he wanted to enlist in the army after high school due to family problems - but, to avoid this from happening, Houston stepped in to take him in as her own son.

Since the "How Do I Live" songstress fostered Gordon, he has been the man of the house, and by the looks of his recent tweets, he feels the same way about this relationship.

Since the release of their photo together, there have been many controversial tweets and Gordon is firing back, ass he wrote, "All the haters that dont know us or th real story can't un follow me. I don't give a f**k," he tweeted. Also adding, "Some ppl have no lives so they gotta be in ours."

Houston's adopted son also made his place in the family known, stating, "She called me her me " God Son" I swear some ppl in this world act like they don't have a brain..."

Nick closed out his defensive remarks by writing, "I've proved my loyalty to her and the Houston family. I don't owe any of you anything. Ha I don't even know y'all haters."

Bradley Cooper Dating Jennifer Lopez?

Bradley Cooper famously bonded with Bridget Jones’ Diary girl Renee Zewellger months ago. But now that he’s finally over that, has Cooper found a new leading lady in Jennifer Lopez? I mean, who doesn’t want to know who Bradley Cooper’s girlfriend is? Right ladies?
In a series of paparazzi shots, Cooper is caught driving away in his car with a lady in tow. Wouldn’t be much of a story if the lady weren’t covering her face up AND looked suspiciously like the highly paid American Idol judge.
See for yourself:

This isn’t the first time, they were seen together. Just last month, they were spotted on a “date” at New York’s Per Se. It was chalked up to be just “business.” With this episode, we should go define what that business really is.
So, what do you think? Is Bradley Cooper dating Jennifer Lopez or is this just another story hyped up by the press to sell more papers and get more page views?
Well, ask yourself, girls (and possibly guys), if Bradley Cooper was dating you, would you cover up your face when the cameras rolled around? Plenty of girls would show off their new superstar boyfriend proudly. Who would be ashamed of Bradley Cooper dating them? Answer: nobody — but Jennifer Lopez, apparently.
Now it’s your turn. In your opinion, is Bradley Cooper dating Jennifer Lopez? Or is the nameless face just a normal, ashamed-for-some-reason girl?