The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Drowning Pool

Here comes the drama.
Hanging out by the pool. Doesn't that sound relaxing? Yes, unless you're on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Then it's pretty much the exact opposite.
Then you'll probably need a stiff drink to get through an afternoon in the sun.
We recap all the fussing, feuding, and name calling in our THG's +/- recap!

How can you not love Caroline's mock phone call between Teresa and Joe? It was hilarious. Plus 10.
And why does Caroline think Teresa hates Melissa. Because "she's a better, younger version" of Teresa. Plus 8. That sounds about right.
But as everyone else is discussing Teresa's behavior, Teresa is telling her husband her version of the Solstice party and Joe has some definite opinions.
First, Melissa is a horse-face, gold digging tramp. Caroline is boring. Rosie's a butchy boy, and the idiot cousin (I can only assume he means Kathy ... no offense to Kathy) looks like a frog.
Joe Guidice certainly has an opinion about everyone but the scariest is the one he holds about himself. He tells Teresa he's the powerhouse and she doesn't need anyone else. Minus 12. What happens when they haul his sorry butt off to jail again?
Oh, and Teresa says her brother is a little pansy for telling his wife about their conversation. How can you not love family?
But Teresa's not just sitting around bad mouthing her family. She's off to Jacqueline's for some gossip and a session with personal trainer Jolene.

Why does Jolene have an open bottle of wine in her bag?  I've never known a trainer her brought her own cocktails. Minus 7. Besides, you should never hire a personal trainer who shows up wearing that much makeup to workout.
On a side note, was anyone else blinded by the amount of bling on Teresa's phone. Minus 5. My eyes are still watering.
Let's leave the train wreck that is Teresa for a bit to visit with Caroline's family.
It almost made me sick to think that Chris was buying an $80,000 car. It disturbed me so much that I was grateful when Albert gave Caroline the Jag as her anniversary present. Plus 7.
But it wasn't the overpriced car that earns them the big points. Plus 20 for walking us down memory lane at The Brownstone. Looking back at their first years living over the restaurant and raising their new family was so sweet. These two truly love one another 27 years later.
Unfortunately, the Teresa free zone doesn't last long. Kathy invites the entire gang over for the end of the school year party.
Plus 12 to Rich for warning the kids not to invite their friends. He can see the warning signs ahead and he's getting the innocents out of the way.
Caroline and Jacqueline both bail and plus 10 for Joe Guidice not showing up. That truly would have been a nightmare.

For some reason Kathy thinks she can be the glue that will bring the Guidices and the Gorgas back together. Minus 12. Oh honey, let it go.
Teresa and her brother have a mini summit as Melissa runs around after the kids. Teresa tells Joe he's no longer her brother because of what he's done. She wants him to be the old Joe. The one that always put her first and spent lots of time at her house.
Hmm…uh, what part of being married and having kids doesn't Teresa get. Minus 15. The man has a wife and a family yet she seems to think he should be his priority. Oye.
He's just the meanest brother ever!
Unfortunately Gorga ruins the moment by telling her he's an angel from God. Apparently low self esteem isn't a problem in this family.
I think that's enough pool time. It's going to be a long, hot summer in Jersey.
EPISODE TOTAL: +16! SEASON TOTAL: -116!

Aubrey O'Day Fired on Celebrity Apprentice; Clay Aiken, Arsenio Hall Vie For Title

Aubrey O'Day may not be a slut, but she is out of a job.
The outspoken ... whatever she is gave it her best all season long, but she was fired Sunday on Celebrity Apprentice, leaving Clay Aiken and Arsenio Hall as the last men standing and vying for the top spot next week.
Did Donald Trump make the right call axing Aubrey?

The boss man called the singer "transparent," sending her packing and leaving Arsenio and Clay to battle it out, with former teammates back in the fold.
Clay got some help from Penn Jillette, Dee Snyder, Debbie Gibson and Aubrey O'Day.
Arsenio, picked Paul Teutul Sr., Teresa Giudice, Lisa Lampanelli and Adam Carolla.
Team Clay and Team Arsenio were then told to direct, produce and star in a variety show to raise money for their charities, sell tickets and create a PSA.
Clay decided to put on a musical, asking Debbie for musical advice and Penn to help write and conceptualize. Clay and Debbie quickly sparred over it.
The former American Idol runner-up was a fan of micromanaging more than Arsenio, but both men were dedicated to raising funds for their causes.
Clay, a former special education teacher, was happy and right in his element when working with children for a National Inclusion Project PSA.
Arsenio, who was raising money for the Magic Johnson Foundation, took a humorous approach to the task. He even involved Magic in the PSA.
Unfortunately for Team Arsenio, a miscommunication with the tech team made much of Magic's essential shot unusable, possibly dooming him.
It's all about the ticket sales and contributions raised, though, and both will play a key role in who wins the Celebrity Apprentice next weekend.
Who do you think it'll be, Clay or Arsenio? Tell us below.

Khloe & Lamar Season Finale Recap: Is Khloe a Biological Kardashian?!?!?!

They say all good things must come to an end.
So, too, must Khloe & Lamar.
Amid the surprising downturn in his career, the divorce rumors and reports that the show will end after last night's season finale, the stakes were high for the beloved couple.
Did they persevere, prove that love always conquers all, and end the season (possibly the series) on a high note? Let's find out in our Khloe & Lamar recap ...

Khloe Kardashian notices Lamar Odom acting a little off. "I'm not used to this negative, somber man," she said. Reality TV will do that too a man. Minus 20.
Lamar admits that he's been holding a lot of pain in, especially after the violent death of his cousin. Okay, Plus 20 to negate our previous snap judgment.
"Every time when I'm like really down and out, no matter what, Khlo - is one person I can always count on." Plus 10 for that genuinely sweet sentiment.
Then things quickly turn scripted again when Kim calls about the celebrity gossip story of the week Khloe is not a biological Kardashian. Minus 15.
Rob Kardashian pulls a practical joke related to that topic. Too soon. But Plus 10.
"Wouldn't you just want to know 100 percent?" Kourtney asks, urging Khlo to take a DNA test to settle the fact that her father is her father. Yawn. Minus 10.

"It's important to stay strong for each other," Lamar says. "I just need to be a good husband, be thoughtful and let Khlo know how grateful I am." Plus 20.
His pre-taped video while Khloe is co-hosting The Talk? Cute. Plus 5.
The giraffe? Now we're talking dutiful hubby material. Plus 5 more.
"Is it bothering you that these rumors about who's who keep popping up every day?" mom Kris asks. "Because it's really upsetting me." Sure it is. Minus 15.
"I am one million percent comfortable with not getting a DNA test and knowing that my father is my father," she says. "I'm more than happy to live with that for the rest of my life." Why let fake rumors bother you, it's true? Plus 10.
"If I had to put a title on this year I would probably call it the Trying Times," Lamar Odom says, reflecting on the season. "So many things happened."
"Life changed for us. We've lost and we've gained. But at the end of the day, everything that we've been through has just made us closer." Plus 10.

EPISODE TOTAL: +30. SEASON TOTAL: -195.